You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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