I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
