i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
