He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
