i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
