her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
