I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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