All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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