her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
And then he peed in my hair
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