I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Plan B is the new Plan A
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
