these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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