i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
