You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
