She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize