cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
