I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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