He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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