I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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