i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
