Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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