I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
