i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just had sex on a roof
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
