Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Couch. On fire.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
