she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
