I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
