all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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