I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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