I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
