OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
