I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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