end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
