Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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