Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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