she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
