69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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