I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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