Your dad touched me again.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
