He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
