Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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