was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
