i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We don't watch enough power rangers
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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