From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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