that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
