The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize