i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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