i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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