Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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