remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize