I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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