Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
