just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
