it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
