Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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