What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I love having hate sex.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
