you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
