he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
