I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
