Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
