Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
